Give up your financial security for love – who does that!?🤯🤥

Hey! Hold your gun powder ok? Ain’t here to judge…just wanted to ehrrm, grab your attention with that header😉

So on to the business of this post. Should you give up your financial security for love? What are the drivers? What are the considerations? Sorry darla, only you can answer those questions, not me. Surprised by my bluntness?

Thing is, there are no right or wrong answers to this one. This is a question of what works for A may not work for B. You see, in this thing called life, there are a few definite boundaries on issues and a lot of grey areas in between with room for flexibility. I mean, I was in a convo with female cohorts at work the other day and the discussion turned on precisely this issue. As you can imagine, this is a dilemma faced more by women than men especially when married. Ask me how?

Generally, when a man wants to make a career or financial decision that requires relocation for instance, his family constraints are not so much a biggie. Not saying they are not important – mind you. After all, many a man would tell you that their family is their number one priority. Where your treasure is your heart would be in’it? But the fact is that society expects the family to up and follow the man wherever he chooses. Not so for the woman. The woman cannot move with such ease especially where children are involved. As society’s primary caregiver, there are issues around their schooling and the likes to consider. I won’t be cheeky and add that ‘never mind that the children belong to both her and hubby not just her – perhaps moreso the hubby since they bear his name not hers’ Anyway, I digress.

Ordinarily, it should be a no brainer for the woman to sacrifice career for family. But when it’s a high paying career – perhaps even higher paying than hubby’s – it’s no longer as clear cut. See? A lot of grey areas in life sho get? So this cohort were exactly in this position so the answer wasn’t so easy. Some said they would sacrifice career. Some said they would only if they got a good or better career elsewhere. Some bluntly said they won’t ‘cos their financial security is important to you know, avoid yeye that smell.

I bet some that may be quick to judge anyone who refuses to sacrifice financial security for love may pause for a second, when the financial stakes in question are very high. Just drives home the point that we should not be too quick to judge another before we walk in their shoes. Also brings to bear that the person who may be said to have done the right thing, may only have done so because it was very convenient to do so – e.g because there was either no job or a there was only a low paying job to consider. If such person had a high paying job, a different decision may have been made by such person.

Don’t forget – the value of decisions are appreciated when the stakes are very high.

So would you give up your financial security for love?

Ultimately, this is an issue of ‘to each their own.’ As I always say, whatever you decide, own it with your full chest. It’s one of the benefits of adulthood – personal accountability. But it would be wise to consult with your partner before deciding sha.

Cheers,

Fola

*image credit: http://www.google.com

The Paradox of Time⏰⏳

A paradox is something that sounds strange but is true…nkan be as is said in Yoruba land in Nigeria. In the case of time, there are quite a bit of paradoxical facts about it. Brian Tracy muses that, ‘time management is a vehicle to take you from wherever you are to wherever you want to go.’

With that in mind, here are some sobering facts about time:

  • Everyone is getting older by the second. Time waits for no one;
  • An often inevitable way to be late is to have plenty time;
  • Time is indispensable…every action requires time;
  • Time is perishable, you cannot save it;
  • Time is consumable, you can only spend it;
  • Time is irreplaceable, you can never bring back time;
  • Time is sufficient…you have all the time you need. It depends on how you use it;
  • You cannot manage time, you can only manage yourself;
  • Generally, only about 20% of what you do daily accounts for 80% of the value for that day.

As Shakespeare says...’better three hours too soon than one minute too late.’ Every second counts – in life, one tenth of a second could be the difference between success and failure. In the Women’s 100m final race – Barcelona 1992, the difference between the winner and 5th position was 0.05 seconds.

Ultimately, time management is life management. As we say in Nigeria, time na money…if you waste time, you squander money. Time wasted is opportunity wasted. So, schedule your priorities not your preferences and make adjustments for interruptions. As a colleague put it, ‘there’s no need catching butterflies when there’s a hippopotamus in the room.’ Identify your most productive time then do your most productive tasks at that time. Be strong to say no and let your money work for you as applicable to free up some time for more important tasks.

The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, it is to schedule your priorities.

So help even me!

Cheers,

Fola👩🏽‍⚖️

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Sponsor v. Mentor: Verdict👩🏽‍⚖️

Quite frequently, I get questions from younger professionals and sponsors as to who is my mentor. My consistent answer is ‘no one.’

Don’t get me wrong. My answer is borne out of the context in which the question is asked i.e. is there anyone I would typically discuss my career moves with and get steers from or that one person who I go to as an accountability partner in making career decisions or one who inspires me to be a go-getter career wise?

I patiently explain that there is no one person who occupies such a place as mentor in my life. Sure, I frequently bounce ideas off le hubz – after all what is he a life partner for if I can’t do so😁 But in terms of that formal person high up the ladder who I ask before taking steps – there’s none. I tell those who inquire that professionally, so many people inspire me so I prefer to just glean bits and pieces from different persons as opposed to one mentor to make up the unique me. And most times, I even do this from a distance. Of course, if I need to ask questions before making a move, I do so.

For me, I would choose a career sponsor over a mentor time and time again. Perhaps, you wonder, is there any difference between the two? There is.

A mentor advises the mentee; while the sponsor advocates for the career advancement of the protege. You see, a mentor tells you, do X, don’t do Y while a sponsor makes a case for you to be given X or Y at closed-door executive meetings where you are too far down the ladder to speak for self.

For me, a mentor does quite some talking while the sponsor acts on your behalf with fewer words. Sure, you’ve heard the truism that action speaks louder than words right? That right there is what a sponsor (not a mentor) does.

Of course, if you are extremely fortunate, you may have your sponsor + mentor embodied in one person. But if I were to pick one, I would definitely pick a sponsor over a mentor.

Sponsors have been responsible for my rapid career progression and in fact beyond my skills, it was sponsors that played a huge role in landing my current gig. And while there, other sponsors again make my landing soft, smooth and seamless.

Sponsors definitely trump mentors for me.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Don’t Burn Bridges

‘Hey! I don’t need this bridge no more, so who cares if it goes up in blazes!’ You say…

But not too fast, who says never say never, huh!

Granted, we cannot say ‘yes’ to everyone and everything at the same time – it’s why there is such a thing as opportunity cost in economics. But then, we can say ‘no’ without making enemies – it’s why there is such a thing called emotional intelligence.

At a point in time, I had two job opportunities – both great opportunities by the way – a dream come true for most. But here’s the snag, I couldn’t take up both opportunities at the same time; I had to disappoint one organisation. Here was my dilemma – how to say ‘no’ without making enemies.

Of course, I could just say ‘no’ and move on. But because I knew I may be needing the rejected one later in life, I had to be creative about how I said the ‘no’ so it did not become a personal vendetta.

The thing is, in this thing called life, you often cannot get divorced from having a roller coaster ride or coming back full circle even at the most inopportune times. Hence, wisdom is key.

I kid you not, I spent a number of sleepless nights ruminating on how to say this ‘no’ even engaging with about three very senior persons in the know and of course my personal ‘yard’ people on how to go about it.

In the end, the ‘no’ was said – feelings were hurt and maybe one or two silent enemies made. But then, I tried to say the ‘no’ in such a way that there were very viable reasons behind the ‘no’ which could not be faulted. I also retained many of my senior friends in the process.

Kinda reminds me of when I need to say ‘no’ to le hubs. I mean I could very easily tell him to go to hell, but then ‘who e epp’ when he gets pissed? So I often think of how to couch my ‘no’ in a way that doesn’t alienate him – which in turn also impresses on him the manner in which to tell me ‘no’ in a respectful way.

You see in this life, choose your battles; don’t burn bridges if you can help it. Emotional intelligence is key and wisdom is supreme!

Cheerio,

Hugs,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com