Should You Ignore the Opinions of Others?

Be it at home, in school, at work, in religious settings or other social gatherings, a constant feature is that we have to interact with other persons, the variable being in the degree of interaction.

Just as preferences of persons differ, so also would different persons have different and sometimes diametrically opposed opinions of you. The real question is, should you navigate through life without giving a hoot about what others think of you? After all, it’s been said that you can’t control what others think of/about you init?

However, if you really think about it, you will find that you really can influence what others think about you by your words, actions or inactions. After all, even the most notorious criminal has those who think fondly of him/her and this cannot be divorced from the perceived treatment gotten by those with the differing opinions.

But should worry about what others would think of/about you prevent you from calling them out when need be? In my opinion, no, once it is done respectfully because believe it or not, some persons do not appreciate ass-kissers or patronisers who only tell them what they think would like to be heard. Windy right?

There’s nonetheless always that balanceĀ  between saying what you regard as the truth and saying it in a non-belittling manner. That balance needs to be carefully maintained.

So no, we should not ignore the opinions of others but neither should we suck up to them or shy away from calling them out when the need arises, for fear of being regarded in non-glowing terms.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Letā€™s talk about GRIT!

You know, I had it in mind to talk about shattering stereotypes ā€˜cos well, thatā€™s what I tend to do ā€˜on aĀ regā€™Ā but then I had a recent experience that made me see the need to talk about something else – grit – and in the manner of not conforming to stereotypes thatā€™s my way of life, Iā€™m gonna say a few words on grit. More on stereotypes later (maybe).

Grit is a ruthless, stubborn, single-minded determination to achieve a goal.

So, I had this appointment for 1pm and believe you me, I left my location 2 hours earlier for the 45 minutes ride to have ample time to meet up with the appointment. But you know how itā€™s said that life is never straight especially when you need it to be, right?

As (mis)fortune would have it, rain decided to fall that day and if you are Lagos based like me, you know that rain and traffic are like 5 & 6.

So here I was, driving through the traffic, listening to music and naively telling myself that ā€˜this too shall pass.ā€™

But would you believe it, that 30 minutes to the appointment time, Google Maps told me I still had another 53 minutes to arrive at my destination because well, traffic. Rain was also still drizzling enough to make one stay put indoors if one didnā€™t really need to go out. Refusing to let panic mode set in because this was a really really crucial appointment, I knew I had to be creative but also knew I couldnā€™t carry the car on my head.

So you know what? I made a detour, parked the car in a supermarket, got out, picked the materials I needed for the appointment including tissue paper to dust off inevitable dirt and with my black suit and black spiky heels, flagged down an Okada (motorbike) because well, necessity is the mother of invention. As you may have imagined, the more trendy Gokada I had ordered with my phone, was taking forever to arrive.

Of course, I was aware of the HSE risk of riding an Okada in the drizzling rain over a distance of 11km but I had more to lose by remaining in the traffic. Besides, whatā€™s life without calculated risks huh?

I will spare you the rest of the details of the eventful journey and will conclude by saying that though I arrived 10 minutes later than scheduled, I met the appointment. BeforeĀ sashaying in for the appointment in my all black attire, black spiky heels and under-stated black accessories looking like the power lady I know I am, I cleaned off the evidence of the Okada ride with my tissue paper. Because again, you never need to look like anything (rough) that you have been through.

I rode a Gokada afterwards to pick my car.

The end.

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

When you Goof

I recently had one of those ‘oops I did it again’ moments aka I goofed and big time too. Up till then, I had maintained a cleanĀ slate (in my estimation) so you can imagine my unease, especially if youĀ consider that I was in my final stages of the endeavour at the time. You know how it is that a sore thumb easily sticks out; and when it’s the last thing remembered about one, you can imagine it may become quite memorable for the wrong reasons and easily muddy up the clean slate.

Anyways, this note is not about throwing a pity party. Believe you me, I beat myself up about it well enough already. The real issue is, what do you do when you goof?

Well for me, first step is admitting you goofed aka confessing your sins. The counter party already knows you goofed anyways so denying, justifying, excusing, wishing it away or getting defensiveĀ would very likely make an already bad situation become worse.

Be apologetic and come clean, no need to lie in my view, though you may need to think up how you want toĀ articulate the truth without causing further damage. Sometimes Ā getting the views of a trusted ally on how to handle would help, after all two good heads are better than one right?

Make amends quickly, clean up your acts, be on your best behaviour, go and sin no more and of course take the learnings.

For me, the ultimate learning is about properly communicating to the appropriate parties, after all a closed mouth is a closed destiny and trust me the sleepless night that comes from goofing is not worth it and can be prevented most times.

Cheers

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Back to the Roots

Some not so random thoughts…

A few days back, I felt nostalgic about my primary school…I know right? It’s been more than 20 years since I left it for higher studies. But you know what? there was a sudden ‘click’ in my brain that ‘oh wow’ the foundation I had there truly prepared me for my current journey in life.

My primary school is what you call a ‘Staff School,’ that is, a primary school built by a university (of which mine happens to be the university of first choice in my country… yeah let’s hype ourselves small) to cater to its employees’ children. Anyway by its nature, all classes of children attend a staff school –  from the professors’ children to the cleaners’ children. That kind of mix in my foundational school meant that I was exposed quite early to experiences of the highly placed and not so highly placed children. That gave me balance and helped me become adaptable to different classes of people, of course without losing my essence. I learnt to relate ‘wella’ with both the ‘butty’ and the ‘aje pako’ which pays out in my journey today.

Of course, attending Staff School also showed me quite early that the fruit of hard work is no respecter of persons. Many times, the brilliant and hard working children of the ‘cleaners’ topped the class ahead of lazy children of the ‘professors.’ I mean, even I enjoyed such fruits of hardwork at that time when my dad was not one of the movers and shakers of the university.

In all, I have come to find – thanks to my Staff School foundation – that there is dignity in hardwork and that how you treat people at any level in life may just determine whether the door to your next level is opened or shut against you.

Up University of Lagos Staff School!!!! Indeed, instilling and reinforcing a ‘Tradition of Excellence.’

Cheers to our next levels,

Adefolake

*image credit – http://www.google.com

Defining Moments

I know, it’s been a minute *covers face…

First off, when I selected this topic, it seemed to me that the phrase, ‘Defining Moments’Ā appears to beĀ a tad too serious and well, philosophical. Still, the point to be made is that in life, most people have one or more experiences that makes them view life differently, sometimes in a calmer, more matured light.

For me, I have had quite a few of such moments starting 2009 when it was starkly and very practically impressed upon me that it is not of him/she that willeth but of the Lord that showeth mercy….After the encounter, I became much calmer and seemed to mature in leaps and bounds almost overnight. With the encounter, also came the realisation that what did not kill me would only make me stronger…

And so, at moments when I seem to be at my wits end, I remember that defining moment and draw strength fromĀ it, rest assured that such moments too shall pass, or as a cleric once said, if you are unhappy that you lost something, you should give thanks that you have not lost everything…after all, where there is life, there certainly is hope.

I am not so certain that this is the turn I intended this narrative to take when I began penning down my thoughts but again, what am I but a pencil in the hand of my creator.

This is part of my story. What’s yours?

We should use our individual stories to prod us onĀ when our feet seem leaden.

Cheers,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

C’mon Wear Those Shoes, Don’t Hide that Talent!

So I got the shoes in this post’s featured image in October 2015. ‘Big deal,’ you snicker. I have never worn them since I bought them. Did I just hear a ‘wowu?’

You see, I got the shoes at a budget-friendly price at the time and hey, they are white too, why not save them for that appropriate time instead of having to scrub them clean all the time. So I kept them in the accompanying box, all nice and wrapped…

This evening, as I was ‘lazying’ on my bed catching up on my social media, I remembered my shoes, took them out of the box on a whim and voila, discovered that they have started showing signs of cracking though this is not noticeable from the featured image…

Which brings me to my point, that when we get an opportunity, there is no need to cower, waiting for the most opportune time to show forth, let’s seize every moment and make it count. Let’s stretch our talents to bear forth more talents and not hide them in the ground  so that they diminish in value like that unwise servant did and dare I say, what I had done to my shoes till now…

‘Cos you know what? Life is short and is only for the living. So live life, within reasonable limits I may add.

Wear those shoes and walk comfortably in them as I sure am gonna do with the ones in the featured image.

Cheers to walking comfortably in our shoes.

Adefolake

*image credit: my ‘Phone Cam

A Pen, A Catalyst of Change & Glamour

The Christian faith records that the earth and its occupants were created by the spoken word. In human relations, agreements recorded by words are binding on the makers of such agreements. The government regulates human relations using words set out in statutes and other regulatory documents. A soft word has been known to turn away anger while a rash word has been known to aggravate anger. Famed public speakers and renowned writers are so famed for their words. Need one say more then, that words can be used as a catalyst of change and glamour, it all depends on the arrangement and use of the words. A pen which is the traditional means of writing, can therefore be said to be a catalyst of change or glamour. So also are the more modern means like phones, tablets, laptops and what have you?

Of course, even good things can be misused, thus words if not appropriately put together, can shut doors firmly rather than throwing them wide open.

Appropriate words, create the right imagery in one’s mind and make one literally touch the items being referred to in the words. No wonder, the world could be created with words…

Cheers to making your pen your catalyst of change, glamour and other things to be held dear as I strive to do daily.

In another news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED SISTER, ADEDOLAPO ADEJUGBE!!! You know I got you ‘gurl’ *bear hug*

Warm regards,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com