My Busy Mind…🤯

It’s been a roller coaster couple of weeks. What with work pressures, concern for loved ones, COVID-19 & travel restrictions/immigration concerns and societal unrest culminating in an almost inevitable mental health pressure. I believe many can relate with these…

What does one do at such times? I mean how do you keep your sanity when it seems like everything is closing in on you?

If I said I have it all figured out, I would be lying…big time 🤥 😒

At these sort of times, my palliative has been to take it one step at a time and each day as it comes, not overburden my mind with ‘what ifs.’ ‘Cos trust me, the mind can be a fragile thing and once it tips over the edge, getting back to status quo becomes that much more difficult. I speak from a wealth of experience on this🙃

Bottomline, the worries of a day are sufficient for that day in’it? Why add more worries to the day and keep yourself busy doing nothing?

One thing is clear, worry has never solved any problems. I choose to focus on what I can control and using that to influence/change the things causing worry. And I would rather spend my time busying about actively impacting my environment in the best way I can and becoming the best version of me while at it, than staying busy moping about what could have been. Or engaging in mere academic discourses.

Suggest you do same bearing in mind that if we each did our bits, we could (positively) change the world one person at a time.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

The Beauty of Strategy

Away from the #endpolicebrutality convos for a minute…

Guess what? In the workplace, strategy is a growth enabler. Not manipulation, mind you *side eye. I see strategy as arranging the pack of cards which fate has dealt you with in a way that projects you in the best possible light or gives you the best possible results. What do I mean? Let me illustrate…

At some point, I wanted to upgrade my membership status for one of the professional organisations I belong to. One of the requirements was to have at least three years experience – and on an ongoing basis – as a senior manager. Well, I had the three years management experience quite alright. But you see I changed roles and my new role though infinitely more managerial, did not have a managerial sound. Dilemma.

Since I wasn’t gonna be given an opportunity to explain myself when the council was considering applications, I had to think up a solution. I recalled that I had a dormant partnership position in a family firm all along which spanned way more than three years and had not been terminated at the time. So, I’m sure you know what I did? I used that as one of my roles with the revered sounding ‘partner’ and supporting documentation as testament to my ongoing senior management role.

Suffice to say, I clinched the upgrade. I could go on and on about several other similar tales. But let me not bore you☺️

Generally, if we would just look beyond our temporary misfortunes, we can think up legal avenues to turn a seeming disadvantage into an overwhelming advantage. It’s pretty much a case of what can you do with what is in your hands? Or better still, choosing to see the same glass as half full rather than half empty.

Use strategy to turn your threats to opportunities and blaze a trail!💫🌟✨⚡️

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Forgiveness🧚🏽‍♀️👼🏽🙏🏽

To err is human but to forgive is divine’ – I bet we’ve all heard variations of this statement at one point or the other in our lives. But how easy is it to implement you may ask? After all, the taste of the pudding is in the eating not the looks of it in’it?

There really is no easy way around it because when the heart is hurt, like a wounded tiger, it only wants to inflict pain back to the source of the hurt. After all ‘do me I do you, God no go vex’ abi. You may be justified in revenge but to what end?

Bear in mind that the issue of forgiveness generally comes in for dealings with persons who are close to our hearts ‘cos it’s s/he who is close, who we have come to expect so much from that can hurt us. Hurt in this sense being different from plain old anger at a display of ‘stupidity’ from a random acquaintance. Most times tho’, our hurt (with our close person) is mixed with anger. What a deadly combo!

I’ve come to find that a heartfelt apology from s/he who causes the hurt relieves the heart pain till it eventually disappears. Remember the thing about ‘a soft answer turning away anger’ abi?

What then if the apology is not forthcoming, would you be justified in refusing to forgive? Perhaps, but then again, ‘to what end?’ Is it worth your loss of sleep or loss of peace? I guess at such times, you then really need to put yourself in the other’s shoes to find out if the person also lashed out at some hurt you caused him/her. Communication to understand each other’s viewpoints helps. Remember, you guys are supposedly close so even if the communication lines are now jagged, they were once straight – so leverage on that. Also bear in mind, that the real bone of contention may really be about misunderstanding each other’s intents which is why sounding out each other’s viewpoints is key.

Bottom line, seek to understand first and keep your ego aside while at it. Remember this person is or was your close friend. Of course, you are within your rights to call it quits and move on because any type of friendship/relationship is really not by force. However, you should consider calling it quits only where the person makes it clear s/he is not willing to repair the relationship in spite of your honest and best efforts. Also bear in mind that the journey to recovery for one or you both may be painfully slow. That is understandable. The key point is mutuality not necessarily equality of efforts. Remember, you both are not grace mates, so forgiveness may come easier to one person than the other.

If truly, the fellow was once your homey, you have a responsibility to make an effort to mend the bridge and when there is earnest contrition on your homey’s part, let go and let God. The icing on the cake is that forgiveness also accelerates your own healing and perhaps, you both can end up better and stronger together. Now, this is another mystery of forgiveness, because to err is human but to forgive is divine.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Why Emotional Intelligence is ‘Lit’💥💫

I suppose by now, we’ve all come to terms with the fact that in this life, we cannot avoid interacting with people – both the pleasant and the boorish. That being the case, we may also have realised that just as with work, we require skills to navigate the uncertain waters of human relations.

That’s where possessing emotional intelligence comes in.

To my mind, emotional intelligence is just a fancy word for wisdom and we may have heard that wisdom is key right? Emotional intelligence is what enables us to season our words with grace or diplomacy before speaking them. It also enables us to know when to be assertive and firm. Sort of like knowing the right dosage of medication to apply to the same illness in different persons taking cognisance of their body mass and peculiar genetic situations…a real science in’it? What you say to Mr. X to get him to do your bidding is not necessarily what you say to Ms. Y to get her to do your bidding on that same thing. That’s why we all need emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence requires an awareness of self and an awareness of one’s environment (including the people in it) amongst others.

You see ehn, you do not conquer everything in this life only by book knowledge and the fact that you are the most educated person. There are softer skills everyone needs to triumph in life and emotional intelligence happens to be one of them.

Now you see why wisdom is key ergo emotional intelligence is ‘lit.’

So, if lacking, go get you some.

Cheers,

Adefolake

image credit: http://www.google.com

Negotiating Your Way Out of Unfavourable Situations

Chances are that whatever your station in life or gender is, you have had to negotiate your way out of one unfavourable situation or the other. If for some unlikely reason you haven’t, I assure you that this is one test of wits you cannot escape as long as you are a living being.

So, how does one meander one’s way out of sticky situations?

Well, I would be lying if I told you I had a quick fix, one-size-fits-all answer😁But there are principles I have applied personally which have worked for me – whether at work or at home.

One principle I know does not work is arguing because then, chances are that there would be a clash of egos and if only to ‘save face’ at that moment, your counter party may not agree with you and do your bidding.

So I seek first to understand the person’s view by putting myself in his or her shoes. I even ask hypothetical questions/paint scenarios that reflect his/her thinking. Then, because there are always at least two sides to a story, I also present the alternative scenario to get the person to wear my own shoes and understand my perspective.

Does it always work? Well many times, the counter party at least listens and considers my view point. Will s/he do my bidding? Sometimes but not always. But at least we can converse like adults and take an informed rather than a pure egoistic decision. Of course sometimes too, after considering my counter party’s view, I also shift ground from mine.

You see, this life is give and take. Ultimately, bear in mind that you can’t avoid negotiating your way through life also noting that you would always lose 100% of the chances that you do not take.

Cheers.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com