Don’t Hoard Your Light🌞🔥

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. What does this mean? Is it enough for you to shine without imparting others? I have a little painful story to share on this that turned out sweetly in the end…

At a point in my life, I was looking for some facelift in my endeavours and came across an opportunity with one slot. An acquaintance was also vying for the slot but you see, I had a bit more of an insider knowledge.

Well, I shared my insider knowledge with this acquaintance and being otherwise more experienced, my acquaintance got the slot, not me. I didn’t know whether to be pained or grateful for helping out. I mentally shrugged my shoulders and moved on…

Some while later, the books of records were opened and I ended up getting a juicier deal than I would have gotten if things had worked out fine for me initially.

Bottom line. Don’t hoard your light ‘cos what goes around surely does come around. What is yours will be yours, though it may tarry, it will surely get delivered to your doorstep.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Watch It!

You know how they say be careful who you meet while up ‘cos you never know if you may need them on your way down? Well, I’ve had a bit of experience on that.

So at some point, I had to work in a team with someone older and more experienced. We got along just fine until one day when I had a bad day and usually good natured me responded to some attitude showing from this fellow by a corresponding display of attitude.

Well, I initially felt justified but then the good girl in me became remorseful and I apologised. My apology was accepted.

Fast forward a little while later, by some twist of fate, my senior colleague became my boss. Imagine what would have happened if I had not made peace when I had a chance…

Your guess is as good as mine. Enough said. We should just Watch It!

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Life is such a Paradox!

Strange but true, is an off the cuff meaning of ‘paradox.’ For instance, what does the phrase, ‘married virgin’ bring to mind? A married person who has never had sexual relations? Did I hear someone scoff, ‘the heck!’ Or perhaps a married person who is so green behind the ears in the marital journey and all it entails, that the description ‘virgin’ seems apt?

Regardless of your views, do you now see how one phrase can be so paradoxical and capable of multiple interpretations?

Join me on this ride as I capture some experiences – personal and observed – in the daily strive to unravel this paradox called life.

Will I succeed?

Who knows?

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Should You Ignore the Opinions of Others?

Be it at home, in school, at work, in religious settings or other social gatherings, a constant feature is that we have to interact with other persons, the variable being in the degree of interaction.

Just as preferences of persons differ, so also would different persons have different and sometimes diametrically opposed opinions of you. The real question is, should you navigate through life without giving a hoot about what others think of you? After all, it’s been said that you can’t control what others think of/about you init?

However, if you really think about it, you will find that you really can influence what others think about you by your words, actions or inactions. After all, even the most notorious criminal has those who think fondly of him/her and this cannot be divorced from the perceived treatment gotten by those with the differing opinions.

But should worry about what others would think of/about you prevent you from calling them out when need be? In my opinion, no, once it is done respectfully because believe it or not, some persons do not appreciate ass-kissers or patronisers who only tell them what they think would like to be heard. Windy right?

There’s nonetheless always that balance  between saying what you regard as the truth and saying it in a non-belittling manner. That balance needs to be carefully maintained.

So no, we should not ignore the opinions of others but neither should we suck up to them or shy away from calling them out when the need arises, for fear of being regarded in non-glowing terms.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Let’s talk about GRIT!

You know, I had it in mind to talk about shattering stereotypes ‘cos well, that’s what I tend to do ‘on a reg’ but then I had a recent experience that made me see the need to talk about something else – grit – and in the manner of not conforming to stereotypes that’s my way of life, I’m gonna say a few words on grit. More on stereotypes later (maybe).

Grit is a ruthless, stubborn, single-minded determination to achieve a goal.

So, I had this appointment for 1pm and believe you me, I left my location 2 hours earlier for the 45 minutes ride to have ample time to meet up with the appointment. But you know how it’s said that life is never straight especially when you need it to be, right?

As (mis)fortune would have it, rain decided to fall that day and if you are Lagos based like me, you know that rain and traffic are like 5 & 6.

So here I was, driving through the traffic, listening to music and naively telling myself that ‘this too shall pass.’

But would you believe it, that 30 minutes to the appointment time, Google Maps told me I still had another 53 minutes to arrive at my destination because well, traffic. Rain was also still drizzling enough to make one stay put indoors if one didn’t really need to go out. Refusing to let panic mode set in because this was a really really crucial appointment, I knew I had to be creative but also knew I couldn’t carry the car on my head.

So you know what? I made a detour, parked the car in a supermarket, got out, picked the materials I needed for the appointment including tissue paper to dust off inevitable dirt and with my black suit and black spiky heels, flagged down an Okada (motorbike) because well, necessity is the mother of invention. As you may have imagined, the more trendy Gokada I had ordered with my phone, was taking forever to arrive.

Of course, I was aware of the HSE risk of riding an Okada in the drizzling rain over a distance of 11km but I had more to lose by remaining in the traffic. Besides, what’s life without calculated risks huh?

I will spare you the rest of the details of the eventful journey and will conclude by saying that though I arrived 10 minutes later than scheduled, I met the appointment. Before sashaying in for the appointment in my all black attire, black spiky heels and under-stated black accessories looking like the power lady I know I am, I cleaned off the evidence of the Okada ride with my tissue paper. Because again, you never need to look like anything (rough) that you have been through.

I rode a Gokada afterwards to pick my car.

The end.

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

When you Goof

I recently had one of those ‘oops I did it again’ moments aka I goofed and big time too. Up till then, I had maintained a clean slate (in my estimation) so you can imagine my unease, especially if you consider that I was in my final stages of the endeavour at the time. You know how it is that a sore thumb easily sticks out; and when it’s the last thing remembered about one, you can imagine it may become quite memorable for the wrong reasons and easily muddy up the clean slate.

Anyways, this note is not about throwing a pity party. Believe you me, I beat myself up about it well enough already. The real issue is, what do you do when you goof?

Well for me, first step is admitting you goofed aka confessing your sins. The counter party already knows you goofed anyways so denying, justifying, excusing, wishing it away or getting defensive would very likely make an already bad situation become worse.

Be apologetic and come clean, no need to lie in my view, though you may need to think up how you want to articulate the truth without causing further damage. Sometimes  getting the views of a trusted ally on how to handle would help, after all two good heads are better than one right?

Make amends quickly, clean up your acts, be on your best behaviour, go and sin no more and of course take the learnings.

For me, the ultimate learning is about properly communicating to the appropriate parties, after all a closed mouth is a closed destiny and trust me the sleepless night that comes from goofing is not worth it and can be prevented most times.

Cheers

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Back to the Roots

Some not so random thoughts…

A few days back, I felt nostalgic about my primary school…I know right? It’s been more than 20 years since I left it for higher studies. But you know what? there was a sudden ‘click’ in my brain that ‘oh wow’ the foundation I had there truly prepared me for my current journey in life.

My primary school is what you call a ‘Staff School,’ that is, a primary school built by a university (of which mine happens to be the university of first choice in my country… yeah let’s hype ourselves small) to cater to its employees’ children. Anyway by its nature, all classes of children attend a staff school –  from the professors’ children to the cleaners’ children. That kind of mix in my foundational school meant that I was exposed quite early to experiences of the highly placed and not so highly placed children. That gave me balance and helped me become adaptable to different classes of people, of course without losing my essence. I learnt to relate ‘wella’ with both the ‘butty’ and the ‘aje pako’ which pays out in my journey today.

Of course, attending Staff School also showed me quite early that the fruit of hard work is no respecter of persons. Many times, the brilliant and hard working children of the ‘cleaners’ topped the class ahead of lazy children of the ‘professors.’ I mean, even I enjoyed such fruits of hardwork at that time when my dad was not one of the movers and shakers of the university.

In all, I have come to find – thanks to my Staff School foundation – that there is dignity in hardwork and that how you treat people at any level in life may just determine whether the door to your next level is opened or shut against you.

Up University of Lagos Staff School!!!! Indeed, instilling and reinforcing a ‘Tradition of Excellence.’

Cheers to our next levels,

Adefolake

*image credit – http://www.google.com