Category Archives: Epistles of a Millennial Minister

Forgiveness🧚🏽‍♀️👼🏽🙏🏽

‘To err is human but to forgive is divine’ – I bet we’ve all heard variations of this statement at one point or the other in our lives. But how easy is it to implement you may ask? After all, the taste of the pudding is in the eating not the looks of it in’it?

There really is no easy way around it because when the heart is hurt, like a wounded tiger, it only wants to inflict pain back to the source of the hurt. After all ‘do me I do you, God no go vex’ abi. You may be justified in revenge but to what end?

Bear in mind that the issue of forgiveness generally comes in for dealings with persons who are close to our hearts ‘cos it’s s/he who is close, who we have come to expect so much from that can hurt us. Hurt in this sense being different from plain old anger at a display of ‘stupidity’ from a random acquaintance. Most times tho’, our hurt (with our close person) is mixed with anger. What a deadly combo!

I’ve come to find that a heartfelt apology from s/he who causes the hurt relieves the heart pain till it eventually disappears. Remember the thing about ‘a soft answer turning away anger’ abi?

What then if the apology is not forthcoming, would you be justified in refusing to forgive? Perhaps, but then again, ‘to what end?’ Is it worth your loss of sleep or loss of peace? I guess at such times, you then really need to put yourself in the other’s shoes to find out if the person also lashed out at some hurt you caused him/her. Communication to understand each other’s viewpoints helps. Remember, you guys are supposedly close so even if the communication lines are now jagged, they were once straight – so leverage on that. Also bear in mind, that the real bone of contention may really be about misunderstanding each other’s intents which is why sounding out each other’s viewpoints is key.

Bottom line, seek to understand first and keep your ego aside while at it. Remember this person is or was your close friend. Of course, you are within your rights to call it quits and move on because any type of friendship/relationship is really not by force. However, you should consider calling it quits only where the person makes it clear s/he is not willing to repair the relationship in spite of your honest and best efforts. Also bear in mind that the journey to recovery for one or you both may be painfully slow. That is understandable. The key point is mutuality not necessarily equality of efforts. Remember, you both are not grace mates, so forgiveness may come easier to one person than the other.

If truly, the fellow was once your homey, you have a responsibility to make an effort to mend the bridge and when there is earnest contrition on your homey’s part, let go and let God. The icing on the cake is that forgiveness also accelerates your own healing and perhaps, you both can end up better and stronger together. Now, this is another mystery of forgiveness, because to err is human but to forgive is divine.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com

Why Emotional Intelligence is ‘Lit’💥💫

I suppose by now, we’ve all come to terms with the fact that in this life, we cannot avoid interacting with people – both the pleasant and the boorish. That being the case, we may also have realised that just as with work, we require skills to navigate the uncertain waters of human relations.

That’s where possessing emotional intelligence comes in.

To my mind, emotional intelligence is just a fancy word for wisdom and we may have heard that wisdom is key right? Emotional intelligence is what enables us to season our words with grace or diplomacy before speaking them. It also enables us to know when to be assertive and firm. Sort of like knowing the right dosage of medication to apply to the same illness in different persons taking cognisance of their body mass and peculiar genetic situations…a real science in’it? What you say to Mr. X to get him to do your bidding is not necessarily what you say to Ms. Y to get her to do your bidding on that same thing. That’s why we all need emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence requires an awareness of self and an awareness of one’s environment (including the people in it) amongst others.

You see ehn, you do not conquer everything in this life only by book knowledge and the fact that you are the most educated person. There are softer skills everyone needs to triumph in life and emotional intelligence happens to be one of them.

Now you see why wisdom is key ergo emotional intelligence is ‘lit.’

So, if lacking, go get you some.

Cheers,

Adefolake

image credit: http://www.google.com

Negotiating Your Way Out of Unfavourable Situations

Chances are that whatever your station in life or gender is, you have had to negotiate your way out of one unfavourable situation or the other. If for some unlikely reason you haven’t, I assure you that this is one test of wits you cannot escape as long as you are a living being.

So, how does one meander one’s way out of sticky situations?

Well, I would be lying if I told you I had a quick fix, one-size-fits-all answer😁But there are principles I have applied personally which have worked for me – whether at work or at home.

One principle I know does not work is arguing because then, chances are that there would be a clash of egos and if only to ‘save face’ at that moment, your counter party may not agree with you and do your bidding.

So I seek first to understand the person’s view by putting myself in his or her shoes. I even ask hypothetical questions/paint scenarios that reflect his/her thinking. Then, because there are always at least two sides to a story, I also present the alternative scenario to get the person to wear my own shoes and understand my perspective.

Does it always work? Well many times, the counter party at least listens and considers my view point. Will s/he do my bidding? Sometimes but not always. But at least we can converse like adults and take an informed rather than a pure egoistic decision. Of course sometimes too, after considering my counter party’s view, I also shift ground from mine.

You see, this life is give and take. Ultimately, bear in mind that you can’t avoid negotiating your way through life also noting that you would always lose 100% of the chances that you do not take.

Cheers.

Best,

Adefolake

*image credit: http://www.google.com